They say you shouldn't kiss and tell. But someone has to break the rules, right? So far it's been 5.5 months of living in Singapore. Back when I was living in LA and striving to be an actress my love life was pretty consistent. Chances of getting asked out at a coffee shop, grocery store, or at parties were high. Did I always say yes? No. But sometimes knowing that you are wanted keeps you going...always looking for the next best thing. So what could be better than getting a job across the world and the chance of finding true love? Fantasies of dating a man with his own personal driver, who could drive me to work everyday, and fly to local hot spots like Bali and the Maldives flooded my mind. He is out there!
Upon landing in Singapore I found my redheaded self in a sea of Asians and Indians. Where have all the familiar faces gone? I started to panic. I felt alone. "Excuse me," "pardon me," were omitted from the vocabulary of strangers and I was pushed and shoved into the arms of solitude. Friendly smiles and winks that brought a spring to my step in LA were replaced with blank stares. Stares so invasive I wanted to hide. At least the Mexicans back in LA know how to express what they feel with a simple whistle. A blank stare here can mean anything from "I want to attack you with my sausage," to "What is wrong with your face?"
Allow me to summarize my dating options for you. 90% of my coworkers were in relationships when I met them; 89% of them are still in relationships. The expats that come to live out in Singapore usually enjoy having Asian girlfriends or are married to wives that live overseas. Or, best of all, there are the men that frequent Orchard Towers, a prostitution hub known for "Four floors of whores." What's most unfortunate, is that I'm not attracted to Asian men, or perhaps I just haven't met the one whom I am attracted to.
All of this leads me to the fear of being alone. So I turn to internet dating. One of the most lazy approaches to getting into someone's pants. Meeting up with countless expat men, I look for connection, for chemistry, for someone to share life with! Then I realize, what am I doing? Why am I letting my fear drive my desire for love? What is it about being alone that I'm afraid of?
After indulging in countlees chocolate bunnies and eggs, I find my replacement for men. As I bite into a raspberry truffle, I think back to the taxi drive I had this morning on the way to work.
"Oh you have such stunning eyes and so smiley and cheerful," the Chinese driver says to me in the rear-view mirror.
"Well it's better than frowning," I say with my American sarcasm.
"Oh and you have red hair...(yes there are more than one Captain Obvious out here) You must be crazy, ya?"
"Yup I am crazy, " I say as I smile and sing along to, "Walking on Sunshine," on the radio. He turns the volume up full blast and enjoys watching me dance like a 5 year old in the backseat.
"You have husband? "
"Goodness no."
"Boyfriend?"
I tell him my rant on dating in Singapore.
"I can be your boyfriend. I pick you up in my taxi and take you to work. And pick up when you done and I take you to club. See I have muscles, I am strong man." He flexes for me. Impressive actually, for a forearm. I laugh off his comments and stare out the window eying an expat in a red car next to us. Typical white man in Asia, receding hairline, dark circles under the eyes, and pale patchy skin from computer gamma rays. I become silent and "Walking on Sunshine," fades.
Then the driver starts to moan, "Ohhhhh so much pain...I work from 6AM to 11PM I need massage...right here." He leans to the side and points to his left shoulder blade. "Massage it."
"What?"
"Punch it."
"Excuse me?"
"Punch! Pow, my back please."
"I'm sorry, I have to save my energy for work."
"Punch it!"
"Ok!" I give two light punches and refrain from talking to my new boyfriend.
Well kiddies, no matter what race you are, attitude is what makes you attractive. So although I feel alone, I smile, just in case someone might smile back. And who knows, you might even get to punch them...
